Just about three weeks into the lockdown my close friend Rhishi and I decided to sit for one hour everyday and practice Vipassana meditation. He is based in the US and I am in India, so doing it over a call with a recording of official instructions playing seemed like the way to go. At that time, we certainly didn't think that we would continue this each and every day for next 200 days and counting! (Well I think I missed 3 days in 200) . Now it has become a part of us, something like having a meal or taking a bath - and it seems to have a profound and lasting impact on our lives. All of this impact is internal and not easy to describe, but I must make an attempt to express, because it can go a long way in touching lives of others - those of you who have done a 10 day Vipassana course and currently not meditating regularly or those of you who have been thinking of doing it but do not know what impact it will really have in the long term.
I did my first 10-day Vipassana course in Dec of 2012. It had a huge impact on me during those 10 days and also later. I described how exactly Vipassana works and what impact those 10 days had on me in a blog I wrote in Jan 2013. Since then I have done three 10-day courses. Every time I have done a 10-day course, the impact has been as profound, if not more, as my first 10 day course - my faith in the technique never dwindled therefore. I was also practicing Vipassana regularly at home after each of these courses for a couple of months or so. But my practice would drop to 2-4 days in a week post that and sometimes even have phases of no practice for several weeks or even months and coming back to it only when I felt emotionally disturbed by some event etc. If you are like me, who has done a 10-day course but don't practice everyday consistently, then this blog is especially for you.
So what has really changed after practicing everyday for 200 days and counting? A lot!
But first, what has not. My first reaction to most incidents has not altered much at all. Kids not behaving as per my expectations, I still get annoyed and raise my voice. Sudden, unexpected events, I still feel the shock, or frustration or aversion etc. What really has changed is the speed with us the turmoil disappears! All without doing anything actively I do in that moment. I get angry, almost as much as often earlier, but the simmering feeling inside, if it lasted half an hour earlier, would like just a minute now - and automatically! Some examples won't harm.
The other day, my specs broke while in hurry for some important work. Disturbed, I said something to my wife about she not doing something I asked her to do, in relation to the specs, to which she replied "No, this never happened". My first reaction, like every time when something think I clearly happened being denied was the same "No, it did!" and then I went on to describe when and where exact it happened. In past, in absence of her agreement, I would get into this repeat mode as if the most important thing is "for me to be proven right". I would have made more drama like making an appeal in a dramatized soft voice, almost pleading that it really happened, but something instantly subsided in those 2 minutes. It was internal, and it was automatic, and it was substantial. Can't describe it more. I peacefully said ok, moved on to the important work, without anything simmering within. As I was going out I noticed my younger kid saying something cute to my older one, and his words and smile melted away whatever little was remaining about "wanting to be prove myself right".
At work, an incident happened due to some technical glitch, because of which our business was exposed to an unexplored situation - not a huge loss, but several high value transactions needed to be done to mitigate the impact of the glitch. The impact lasted for over 10 days, where more goof-ups happened one after another - I was able to keep my composure through all of this. Kept the stakeholders informed, and did not lie about anything to anyone. And it just passed without any significant lasting impact. Again, there were moments of shock, but the turmoil within literally lasted for only minutes every time.
Many such incidents happen during my regular day. Something unexpected happens, my first reaction is almost the same as earlier. But the sensations accompanying my reaction automatically subside in much shorter time than they would earlier, and without those sensations, it is not possible to continue carrying the reaction further. Mind comes back to balance and then instead of reacting - I start acting. The best part is that all of this happens by itself!
Another continuous impact is an enhanced ability to observe sensations within me as well as events happening around me. Most of the time, I am lost in thoughts often oblivious of what is happening around me. Now along with this thought process, there is this strong "observation process" running, that lets me be in present, enjoy the little joys of life and be with the family. Multi-tasking is not my thing, but because of this strong observation process going on naturally, I think am beginning to do more at once.
Now why do I relate all of this to my daily Vipassana practice? Well because, this is how Vipassana works. Every day when we sit for an hour of meditation, all that we do is to observe all the sensations in the body. And only observe them objectively - as if the observer is detached from the one who is experiencing the sensations. So if pain is felt - know it fully, but don't be averse to it, just observe it and see how long it lasts or if some soothing sensation appears - don't crave for it to enhance or continue , but just observe how it is changing and how long it lasts. This alters the behavior pattern of our subconscious mind. For ages, it has only been reacting and reacting. And has become weak in observing as things as they really are. Every sensation has one common characteristic - it arises, and sooner of later passes away. It arises, just to pass away. Once our mind realized this reality - not through some intellectual learning but through direct experience every day, that is when its habit pattern changes deep within. That is the path I and my friend have living each day, and will continue to do so.
May you find the inspiration and courage to pursue this noble path and may you free yourself, layer by layer, from your miseries, and may you be peaceful, be happy!
Be Happy!
