If I don't blog on this, I should probably never blog ever. It is the first time that I have got such an intense, pure and selfless desire to share my experience and insights with everyone. I think after decades of wandering about in my (mostly happy and yet un-understood) life, I have finally found the way to know the answers to "Life, Universe and Everything"!
No offences meant to the amazingly creative Douglas Adams, but I don't think the answer is 42. Thank goodness, it was a work of fiction. So we were amused, not depressed at the ultimate moment of anti-climax.
But what I am going to share with you isn't fiction. It's rather diametrically opposite. It's all about the truth. And not some arcane, boring truths about galaxies or world history or geography that may interest a small minority but the truths I am talking about will help everyone, everyday, every moment. They include questions like why there is happiness sometimes and grief at others, and solutions like, how to empower oneself not to be affected by situations like unexpected losses, unfair world, misbehaving people and even physical and mental ailments. And thereby making the mind so uncluttered, free-thinking and liberated that we inevitably go on to become amazingly more effective at every thing - as professionals, as students, as creatives and in all relationships. And believe me, I am completely honest as I say this.
I recently went to a 10 day meditation camp at Igatpuri about 120 km from Mumbai. It is called "Vipassana" meditation. The reason for my decision was that I could see a stark and sustained positive change in a friend of mine who has been practicing this meditation for years now. However difficult it might be to put in words, I must and I will describe what exactly Vipassana meditation is and how it helps us. But before I come to that, a word of caution.
Don't imagine Vipassana as a smooth, relaxing, de-stressing experience. It is far from it. While, there is no doubt in my mind that the after-effect will be amazing and long-lasting, I should share how my journey wasn't linear and most likely won't be for you if you decide to give it a try. There will be extreme lows and extreme highs and during the lows you will feel like running away from the camp. But if you remain determined and go past say 5 to 6 days, you will reach a state of mind, which is so calm, alert, energized and happy that you will want to stay on till the end yourself. Following is just an illustrative picture to show how my highs and lows compared to my highs in lows in the last decade.
Now coming to the core topic of what exactly Vipassana is, and what they make us do in these 10-days. Vipassana is an ancient Indian meditation technique dating far back into thousands of years ago. To know more about the institute, its centers all across the world, and history of Vipassana, visit www.dhamma.org
But more importantly what is it all about? What do they teach for these 10-days? Nothing magical, no ritual, no prayer to any God. What they teach is to focus the mind to observe all the sensations within our body. Now you may ask, what has observing bodily sensations got to do with our life's problems? Very natural question indeed.
Why observe bodily sensations?
Take a step back and think for yourself. What are we trying to find the reason for? Why do we feel pain, grief, disappointment and even depression? Does the reason lie within us or outside us ? Oh, it seems so far fetched that the reason lies completely within us. Naturally it may seem so, because we all know that there are roughly two kinds of situations - under our control and outside our control. With maturity and effort, many of us train our minds to focus our energies on things that are under our control, and "not to worry" about things that we cannot control. But who can claim to have mastered this? Don't we feel guilty and miserable when we fail because of things under our control? And what about the things not in our hands? Don't we feel angry, unfairly treated or frustrated? In fact, the feeling may be worsened by the feeling that we can't do anything about it.
Did you notice the use of the word feel over and over again? Now think again, are feelings outside us or inside us? Does it not mean that the cause of all misery is within us? Ah, interesting thought, you might say. But, on second thoughts, someone might say that feelings are not the cause but the effect. The cause may very well be outside us, no? Well, hold those thoughts for a moment - at least don't you agree that all feelings are within us?
And bodily sensations do generate certain feelings, right? That is why it makes sense to observe sensations closely to understand these feelings and observe how our mind reacts to these feelings. Who knows we might get some clue? So that's exactly what we did for about 10 days on the trot, 9-10 hrs a day, with breaks in between and proper guidance.
What did I learn from this exercise?
While observing the sensations, I realized that there are broadly two kinds of sensations - unpleasant and pleasant. But one thing is common between both of them, when you observe long enough, both of them go away. I learnt that all sensations are impermanent. But there is one very interesting thing we were told - try to observe the sensations objectively, i.e. if there is a pleasant sensation don't crave for it and if there is an unpleasant sensation do not be averse to it. Extremely difficult in the beginning, but with enough practice one learns how to do this. They call this state of mind equanimity - observing objectively and attentively, neither craving for pleasure nor being averse to displeasure. As I learnt the art of equanimity, with passing days, I realized another thing - if the mind remains equanimous, all sensations start coming and going at a much faster pace and with a lower intensity than when we are not equanimous. Yes, despite sitting in one posture for over an hour continuously, the tremendous pain in the back, in the legs etc. subsided and disappeared eventually! It would appear somewhere else, but if I remained equanimous it went away and faster!
Slowly, but steadily I reached a state where all the gross sensations - pain, sweat, heat, cold dissolved and I was left with only pleasant subtle sensations all over the body - very difficult to put in words but let me attempt it - it was as if one is sitting below a very thin, slow and consistent stream of water pouring over the head and trickling down the body touching every part of it. Very beautiful and relaxing. But only until, one remains equanimous! If you start craving for this sensation, it will go away and bring back the gross sensations again. This feeling is, as if, the reward for equanimity - and remember that it will go soon after you cease to remain equanimous. Oh it seemed like I was discovering a new law of sensations, it was so insightful! Thankfully, these insights got crystalized later by the meditation teachers which brings me to another very important part of the Vipassana course.
The concept of "Laws of Life"
Besides these meditation sessions, we also had daily discourses - 1.5 hour lectures in the evenings. Their purpose is to explain the technique, motivate people to follow the technique by explaining why it works, and to clear natural doubts that come in everyone's mind. These sessions were extremely illuminating. The teacher, S.N. Goenka, knows this stuff very very deeply, and also knows what doubts/inhibitions people may have and clarifies them through outstanding examples, many of them extremely funny and entertaining.
In one of these lecture discourses, he told us a very interesting thing. He said, in a well governed country, there are laws that citizens need to abide by. If anyone breaks a law, he will be punished adequately. But there are some problems in such a system - even in the best of the countries. First of all, it is not guaranteed that you will be caught if you break a law. Secondly, even if you are caught, the judiciary may take years before you are punished. Thirdly, and most interestingly, if you have not broken any law and been a wonderful citizen, there are no rewards for it! He goes on to say that, just like laws of a country, there are also some laws of life. But unlike the laws of a country, the laws of life are extremely fair and efficient. If you break a law, you will be punished adequately. And when? Immediately! Moreover, if you obey a law, you will be rewarded, and that too immediately!
Where are these laws of life written, who published them? Interesting questions, but their answer don't affect us directly. What matters more is, one, whether we can ourselves observe and learn these laws. And two, whether we can train our minds to obey these laws as much as we can. And Vipassana gives a big thumping yes to both of these! Let me try to explain what I mean. What I learnt through observing sensations was that if I remain equanimous, unpleasant gross sensations fade away, and pleasant subtle sensations remain all over the body appearing and disappearing so swiftly that we feel extremely pleasant subtle vibrations. That is, if we remain equanimous, we get rid of misery, and get rewarded with happiness, starting immediately. Now who really cares where this law is written? Everyone is free to try it for themselves and if they think this is true, then it is their truth else a falsehood. For me it is true, because I myself observed this over and over and over again. So I don't need anyone's sanction or proof for this law. I just observed it myself. Of course this is not the only law of life, and it will take a lot of time not only to discover them all, but also to to train our mind to obey them all. But I got a taste of one of the laws - and a pretty central one.
So what, how does it help me ?
Ok, what if one agrees that through observing sensations one can discover the law of equanimity. But what has that got to do with problems of our life? And even if it might, how does Vipassana help us in solving those problems? Good questions again. Vipassana helps because by practicing this meditation, one is breaking the behavior pattern of one's mind i.e. our mind has formed an habit of craving for pleasant sensations and being averse to unpleasant ones. Both of these reactions of mind, are reinforcing in nature i.e. because of this habit, our mind multiplies pleasant sensations as well as unpleasant sensations so that we oscillate between extreme highs and extreme lows. And because all sensations are temporary, when extreme highs fade away and normalcy sets in, it feels like a big downer! And worse, our mind is so asymmetric that when extreme lows go away, normalcy does feel better but not really so exciting! And we make all of this even worse, by continuously recollecting past experiences and imagining future actions that multiply craving or aversion further - all the time, just all the time. Net result of all this is dissatisfaction, sadness and misery in the end.
All this is done by our subconscious mind, which is a good news. Subconscious mind does not think. It just follows habits. What we are doing through Vipassana, is breaking the habit of the subconscious mind of craving and aversion and consciously learning to be equanimous. Yes, during Vipassana, our subconscious mind becomes conscious and we are able to change its conditionings through repeated practice.
Ok, great peace during meditation, does it help in real life?
Now when we come out of the meditation into our normal lives, the mind is the same, so it will automatically start acting differently in situations similar to the ones in our past. For e.g., suppose after enough Vipassana practice, you meet somebody who you "know" is a jerk and always pretends to be nice, but is a back-stabber. Mind will bring negative thoughts the moment you see him. Earlier, before Vipassana, you might have started the chain "Oh, this man, last time he met me, he duped me big-time, I hate this guy. If he was not my colleague, I would punch him in the nose." But after Vipassana, you will first notice these negative sensations consciously before your mind starts this reinforcing chain of thoughts. So, you will remember to remain equanimous. Once you successfully remain equanimous - even to some degree, your mind becomes calmer, sharper, subtler. So you may automatically start noticing, "Oh, he is carrying back my mobile phone I left at his desk, so nice of him to return it. Oh and he seems to want to help me from his facial expression. Let me at least try to find out what it is." So your reward? you were saved from unnecessarily adding to your own quota of negative feelings, and you are open to opportunities thereby enhancing the possibilities of increasing your quota of happiness.
What has changed since Vipassana?
It has been two weeks since I am back from the Vipassana course. I can feel the positive changes already in various walks of life. At my work, I am able to focus for longer and deeper which has already lead me to think through certain things, that I might not have before Vipassana. Besides, increasing personal efficiency, it is also helping me become a lot more caring about the people around me. Most importantly, I have understood that no one else but I am responsible for my misery, so I automatically stop hating/thinking bad about others. And if I do notice someone making a mistake, I feel like helping him/her for their own sake, not for removing my miseries.
Well, it's not as if I have suddenly transformed into an enlightened being. I am still 99 % the same as before but at least this 1% positive change has begun and is already so noticeable and empowering. This so makes me look forward to the times to come!
No offences meant to the amazingly creative Douglas Adams, but I don't think the answer is 42. Thank goodness, it was a work of fiction. So we were amused, not depressed at the ultimate moment of anti-climax.
But what I am going to share with you isn't fiction. It's rather diametrically opposite. It's all about the truth. And not some arcane, boring truths about galaxies or world history or geography that may interest a small minority but the truths I am talking about will help everyone, everyday, every moment. They include questions like why there is happiness sometimes and grief at others, and solutions like, how to empower oneself not to be affected by situations like unexpected losses, unfair world, misbehaving people and even physical and mental ailments. And thereby making the mind so uncluttered, free-thinking and liberated that we inevitably go on to become amazingly more effective at every thing - as professionals, as students, as creatives and in all relationships. And believe me, I am completely honest as I say this.
I recently went to a 10 day meditation camp at Igatpuri about 120 km from Mumbai. It is called "Vipassana" meditation. The reason for my decision was that I could see a stark and sustained positive change in a friend of mine who has been practicing this meditation for years now. However difficult it might be to put in words, I must and I will describe what exactly Vipassana meditation is and how it helps us. But before I come to that, a word of caution.
Don't imagine Vipassana as a smooth, relaxing, de-stressing experience. It is far from it. While, there is no doubt in my mind that the after-effect will be amazing and long-lasting, I should share how my journey wasn't linear and most likely won't be for you if you decide to give it a try. There will be extreme lows and extreme highs and during the lows you will feel like running away from the camp. But if you remain determined and go past say 5 to 6 days, you will reach a state of mind, which is so calm, alert, energized and happy that you will want to stay on till the end yourself. Following is just an illustrative picture to show how my highs and lows compared to my highs in lows in the last decade.
But more importantly what is it all about? What do they teach for these 10-days? Nothing magical, no ritual, no prayer to any God. What they teach is to focus the mind to observe all the sensations within our body. Now you may ask, what has observing bodily sensations got to do with our life's problems? Very natural question indeed.
Why observe bodily sensations?
Take a step back and think for yourself. What are we trying to find the reason for? Why do we feel pain, grief, disappointment and even depression? Does the reason lie within us or outside us ? Oh, it seems so far fetched that the reason lies completely within us. Naturally it may seem so, because we all know that there are roughly two kinds of situations - under our control and outside our control. With maturity and effort, many of us train our minds to focus our energies on things that are under our control, and "not to worry" about things that we cannot control. But who can claim to have mastered this? Don't we feel guilty and miserable when we fail because of things under our control? And what about the things not in our hands? Don't we feel angry, unfairly treated or frustrated? In fact, the feeling may be worsened by the feeling that we can't do anything about it.
Did you notice the use of the word feel over and over again? Now think again, are feelings outside us or inside us? Does it not mean that the cause of all misery is within us? Ah, interesting thought, you might say. But, on second thoughts, someone might say that feelings are not the cause but the effect. The cause may very well be outside us, no? Well, hold those thoughts for a moment - at least don't you agree that all feelings are within us?
And bodily sensations do generate certain feelings, right? That is why it makes sense to observe sensations closely to understand these feelings and observe how our mind reacts to these feelings. Who knows we might get some clue? So that's exactly what we did for about 10 days on the trot, 9-10 hrs a day, with breaks in between and proper guidance.
What did I learn from this exercise?
While observing the sensations, I realized that there are broadly two kinds of sensations - unpleasant and pleasant. But one thing is common between both of them, when you observe long enough, both of them go away. I learnt that all sensations are impermanent. But there is one very interesting thing we were told - try to observe the sensations objectively, i.e. if there is a pleasant sensation don't crave for it and if there is an unpleasant sensation do not be averse to it. Extremely difficult in the beginning, but with enough practice one learns how to do this. They call this state of mind equanimity - observing objectively and attentively, neither craving for pleasure nor being averse to displeasure. As I learnt the art of equanimity, with passing days, I realized another thing - if the mind remains equanimous, all sensations start coming and going at a much faster pace and with a lower intensity than when we are not equanimous. Yes, despite sitting in one posture for over an hour continuously, the tremendous pain in the back, in the legs etc. subsided and disappeared eventually! It would appear somewhere else, but if I remained equanimous it went away and faster!
Slowly, but steadily I reached a state where all the gross sensations - pain, sweat, heat, cold dissolved and I was left with only pleasant subtle sensations all over the body - very difficult to put in words but let me attempt it - it was as if one is sitting below a very thin, slow and consistent stream of water pouring over the head and trickling down the body touching every part of it. Very beautiful and relaxing. But only until, one remains equanimous! If you start craving for this sensation, it will go away and bring back the gross sensations again. This feeling is, as if, the reward for equanimity - and remember that it will go soon after you cease to remain equanimous. Oh it seemed like I was discovering a new law of sensations, it was so insightful! Thankfully, these insights got crystalized later by the meditation teachers which brings me to another very important part of the Vipassana course.
The concept of "Laws of Life"
Besides these meditation sessions, we also had daily discourses - 1.5 hour lectures in the evenings. Their purpose is to explain the technique, motivate people to follow the technique by explaining why it works, and to clear natural doubts that come in everyone's mind. These sessions were extremely illuminating. The teacher, S.N. Goenka, knows this stuff very very deeply, and also knows what doubts/inhibitions people may have and clarifies them through outstanding examples, many of them extremely funny and entertaining.
In one of these lecture discourses, he told us a very interesting thing. He said, in a well governed country, there are laws that citizens need to abide by. If anyone breaks a law, he will be punished adequately. But there are some problems in such a system - even in the best of the countries. First of all, it is not guaranteed that you will be caught if you break a law. Secondly, even if you are caught, the judiciary may take years before you are punished. Thirdly, and most interestingly, if you have not broken any law and been a wonderful citizen, there are no rewards for it! He goes on to say that, just like laws of a country, there are also some laws of life. But unlike the laws of a country, the laws of life are extremely fair and efficient. If you break a law, you will be punished adequately. And when? Immediately! Moreover, if you obey a law, you will be rewarded, and that too immediately!
Where are these laws of life written, who published them? Interesting questions, but their answer don't affect us directly. What matters more is, one, whether we can ourselves observe and learn these laws. And two, whether we can train our minds to obey these laws as much as we can. And Vipassana gives a big thumping yes to both of these! Let me try to explain what I mean. What I learnt through observing sensations was that if I remain equanimous, unpleasant gross sensations fade away, and pleasant subtle sensations remain all over the body appearing and disappearing so swiftly that we feel extremely pleasant subtle vibrations. That is, if we remain equanimous, we get rid of misery, and get rewarded with happiness, starting immediately. Now who really cares where this law is written? Everyone is free to try it for themselves and if they think this is true, then it is their truth else a falsehood. For me it is true, because I myself observed this over and over and over again. So I don't need anyone's sanction or proof for this law. I just observed it myself. Of course this is not the only law of life, and it will take a lot of time not only to discover them all, but also to to train our mind to obey them all. But I got a taste of one of the laws - and a pretty central one.
So what, how does it help me ?
Ok, what if one agrees that through observing sensations one can discover the law of equanimity. But what has that got to do with problems of our life? And even if it might, how does Vipassana help us in solving those problems? Good questions again. Vipassana helps because by practicing this meditation, one is breaking the behavior pattern of one's mind i.e. our mind has formed an habit of craving for pleasant sensations and being averse to unpleasant ones. Both of these reactions of mind, are reinforcing in nature i.e. because of this habit, our mind multiplies pleasant sensations as well as unpleasant sensations so that we oscillate between extreme highs and extreme lows. And because all sensations are temporary, when extreme highs fade away and normalcy sets in, it feels like a big downer! And worse, our mind is so asymmetric that when extreme lows go away, normalcy does feel better but not really so exciting! And we make all of this even worse, by continuously recollecting past experiences and imagining future actions that multiply craving or aversion further - all the time, just all the time. Net result of all this is dissatisfaction, sadness and misery in the end.
All this is done by our subconscious mind, which is a good news. Subconscious mind does not think. It just follows habits. What we are doing through Vipassana, is breaking the habit of the subconscious mind of craving and aversion and consciously learning to be equanimous. Yes, during Vipassana, our subconscious mind becomes conscious and we are able to change its conditionings through repeated practice.
Ok, great peace during meditation, does it help in real life?
What has changed since Vipassana?
It has been two weeks since I am back from the Vipassana course. I can feel the positive changes already in various walks of life. At my work, I am able to focus for longer and deeper which has already lead me to think through certain things, that I might not have before Vipassana. Besides, increasing personal efficiency, it is also helping me become a lot more caring about the people around me. Most importantly, I have understood that no one else but I am responsible for my misery, so I automatically stop hating/thinking bad about others. And if I do notice someone making a mistake, I feel like helping him/her for their own sake, not for removing my miseries.
Well, it's not as if I have suddenly transformed into an enlightened being. I am still 99 % the same as before but at least this 1% positive change has begun and is already so noticeable and empowering. This so makes me look forward to the times to come!
