Search for (which) truth?

I always have these urges to put down my thoughts into a blog. In a way this is my hundredth blog. The previous ninety nine never left the realms of my mind. So, why now? Well, something happened. Nothing terrible, nothing triumphant, either. Yet, it has left a deep seed in my mind, so deep, that I decided, it is now or never!

Last weekend, I made a decision to visit a very close friend of mine who lives in another city. Yes, it was his birthday, and also the first opportunity to see his son after his birth 2 months ago. But what’s in an occasion? Can’t we just do whatever, whenever? Well, for me, no. Somehow, if it weren’t for these two reasons, I would have killed another urge of mine. These urges are like little kids crying for candies – they mostly end up being brushed aside unless found “reasonable” (like not having had a candy for a week). So, I did heed the urge to meet my old friend – and the meeting it was!

There is something about this friend of mine - argh! lets give him a name, Raaj - that I have not found in anyone else. I can attempt to use some adjectives – intelligent, witty, humorous, lateral thinker, confident, strong willed, people’s person, but I will fail miserably in describing him. You have to meet him to realize what a character he is. But this blog is not his biography.

This is about what he told me, after four pegs down, which makes me write this. He told me that many years ago he had written a poem. A poem titled “What are we living for?” I thought, “for the high after these drinks” would have been his definite conclusion. But he actually went inside and brought his old notebook with this poem and gave it to me to read. I cannot quote verbatim here, but it was essentially about this question he had asked many friends of his, who could not get the import of this eternal question. Many gave him their elaborate career plans, and many gave him the usual money, women, power etc. But the best answer he found was by – guess who?

Me! Now I was like “Hello, when did you ever ask me this stupid question?” But that’s not so funny. The funny part is the answer I gave, about a decade ago, which was “Search for the truth!”

Now, imagine a drunk man praising you for the greatest answer to his eternal question, which you have no clue when or whether you ever gave. Initially I thought, I might have been really bugged by him and gave that mantra to shut him up. But as his drunken eyes kept on insisting, I thought hard and remembered it was indeed a letter (not email) he wrote about 10-12 years ago, to which I had given a reply after some serious soul “searching”. And since recollecting that, the seed of this thought has been troubling me. Yes, it is true. Just about a decade ago, I actually believed that the purpose of our life, and for sure of mine, was the “search for the truth”. It is such a mixed emotion I have since been feeling, right from “What an idiot I was!” to “What an idiot I have become!”.

Let me first try to tell you about the idiot I was a decade ago. I was this usual science buff, amazed by the beauty in the universe (besides in the neighborhood), the laws of motions, gravitation, origin of life etc. I thought science had so many answers so such a complicated universe. And as I continued to wonder, found so many questions still unanswered. I loved the “Eureka!” scientists and mathematicians felt after finding some answers, some “truths” of the universe. I wanted to find some too. In fact, I wanted to find them all - specifically the search for “Grand Unified Field Theory” – which aims to combine all the physics in one beautiful formula, was on my agenda ;-)

Then IIT happened. Well, unlike in the Five Point Someone, the scientist in me was still alive in the early years of IIT – fell in love with Relativity, spell bound by Quantum Mechanics! It was an awesome experience trying to resolve “Pole Vaulter’s Paradox”, “Twin’s paradox” and “Schrodinger’s Cat”.

“Yes, I can still change the branch to Physics.” Or “Electrical Engineering involves moving electrons as well.” were the thoughts that used to give me hope. I don’t remember exactly at which point, but the plan of searching the truth was dropped and the more pressing plans like “keeping the CPI high” and “Search for the Job” took the precedence. Well, thankfully I did succeed in finding a job. Phew!

Fast forward to the idiot of today. I have a satisfactory work life in a Bank and a very happy family. Don’t get it wrong, I have enjoyed every bit of the six years of my work life – quite diverse, from designing electronic systems to making a trading strategy – and the years of personal life - fell in love with a beautiful girl (while I was searching for truths, jobs etc) and got married to her and am happy ever after.

Sorry to disappoint some, but this is not the typical “Oh my god, I am wasting my life, I should rather be a scientist” kind of a blog. In fact, the main thought I want to share with you all is that “Am I still searching for some truth?”

After brooding enough I realized that perhaps I am. May be we all are. The question now is, which truth? Specifics first – My daily job is to figure out statistcal patterns in the stock prices that can be used for systematically making money. Have I got the ultimate trick? - No. Am I sure whether there exists such a strategy which is “everlasting” – not at all? But is there something that will work most of the time making up for the potential losses at unforeseen times – umm maybe, maybe not. I am still searching for that “truth”. It is as fascinating as my teenage dreams, but quite different to say the least. For one, the “truths” related to social sciences like economics including capital markets are not “eternal” truths. If they are “discovered” by everyone, they will cease to be true. Sort of, like Quantum Mechanics ;-) Proponents of Efficient Markets Hypothesis would say “If something is obviously profitable, then everyone would do it, and by competition, the profits will disappear”. Well, like me, many disagree.

I believe, all skillful and entrepreneurial people keep “creating” such profitable opportunities by their own personal “search for truths”. Every business, every individual who is observing the pattern of events around him, learning from them, getting the “aha” effect, and acting skillfully and diligently in that direction is searching for a truth. Think of it, aren’t we all trying to fix our problems, improve our life, do things better? Aren’t we all looking for a way forward all the time? The right direction? The truth?

Which is your truth?